Calvin & Hobbes: The Drawing Board
by Wh33tbread
Summary: Thirty years after the events of the comics, times just aren't as they used to be. *DISCLAIMER* This was an original play that I wrote for my school, but the characters belong to Bill Watterson, as well as the rights to them and their comic book series.
1. Scene I

Calvin & Hobbes: The Drawing Board

An Original Play by Patrick Lipps

(Based on the characters created by Bill Watterson)

Dramatis Personae:

Calvin

Hobbes

Susie

Bacon

Scene I:

 _(Lights up on a room in Calvin's house. A drafting table stands CS, with Calvin seated at it, scribbling away on a large pad of paper. Hobbes is beside him on the table, in stuffed animal form. UL, there is a wastebasket filled with crumpled drawings; the ghost of doodles' past. Calvin slams on the table, crumples the paper up, and tosses it over his shoulder in the general direction of the wastebasket.)_

Calvin: _(picking up Hobbes)_ Hobbes, what am I going to do? The submissions are due in two days, and all my cartoons look like they're either drawn by Dali or Picasso. I'm not sure they're even human! (Puts Hobbes up to his ear) What? Capitulate? Is that even legal? ( _Puts him down. Gets up. Sighs.)_ Four jobs in the last two weeks. That's gotta be some new Chagrin Falls record. And how did they all end up? Postman? Fired for speeding. Hot dog vendor? Fired for being too direct. Bouncy castle manufacturer? Kept putting holes in the damn things. And party clown? _(Cringes. Goes back and sits down.)_ The laughingstock of Ohio.It seems the only thing I'm good at is getting fired! ( _Throws Hobbes over his shoulder. A loud_ thunk _is heard when it lands.)_

Voice: OW!

 _(Something gingerly gets up from behind the table. It's Hobbes, in anthropomorphic form. He rises to his feet, rubbing his head.)_

Calvin: What's wrong with you?

Hobbes: You THREW me on my HEAD! THAT'S what's wrong with me!

Calvin: Rub some dirt on it.

Hobbes: _(mockingly)_ Gee, how considerate of you.

Calvin: Sorry, Hobbes. It's just I've had a lot of stress on me lately. I'm not feeling like myself. I wish I could play, but… _(Gestures to notepad on table.)_

Hobbes: _(Looking at drawings)_ Yeesh!

Calvin: _(head in hands)_ I know!

Hobbes: Is that supposed to be the guy's head or… something else?

Calvin: At this point, I don't know anymore. _(Rips page off, throwing it into bin.)_

Hobbes: _(chipper)_ You know what you need, right? You need some schooling from your old buddy, Hobbes! Over the years, my drawings have been getting better, ya know.

Calvin: _(in derision)_ Oh, please!

Hobbes: No, it's true! I've become quite the artiste! I can help your drawings look a bit less… blinding.

Calvin: And how do you plan on doing that?

 _(Offstage, we hear Susie, Calvin's wife, and their daughter, Bacon.)_

Susie: Bacon, you wanna go to the store with me?

Bacon: Okay, mom!

(Enter Susie and Bacon)

Susie: Okay, then. Go get dressed and we'll be on our way!

Bacon: It's a bit rainy out there. Should I put on my galoshes?

Susie: I mean, if you want to.

(Exit Bacon)

Susie: Remind me again why we named our child Bacon?

Calvin: (Continuing to draft) My uncle Max was very philosophical. To honor that, my father named me after John Calvin, and Hobbes after Thomas Hobbes. In his memory, I promised to continue the tradition, thus naming our daughter after Francis Bacon. It made sense. And besides, you named the dog.

Susie: That's hardly a fair trade.

Calvin: You had no qualms about it. As I recall, you insisted that you named the dog. (sarcastic) Great choice, by the way.

Susie: Hey! Mister Fuzzy Nufflebutters seemed like a good enough name at the time.

Calvin: If you ask me, that car was a blessing. He _wanted_ to get run over!

Susie: You're just like you were in 1st grade!

Calvin: Isn't that why you married me?

Susie: _(laughs)_ To have a smartass as a husband? Yeah, right.

Calvin: Oh, you know you can't survive without me. Besides, you love it.

Susie: _(sighs)_ I do. ( _Kisses him on the cheek, then calls offstage)_ Bacon, hurry up!

(Enter Bacon, with umbrella and galoshes)

Bacon: I'm here, Mom!

Susie: _(back to Calvin)_ You need anything from the store? A new job, perhaps?

Calvin: Funny. How 'bout a new sense of humor? God knows you could use it.

Susie: Love you too, hun. (to Bacon) Alright, let's go!

(Exit Susie and Bacon. Calvin stares down at the table, looking at his newest abomination. Another one bites the dust. He puts his head in his hands.)

Hobbes: _(reappearing and peering over the table, pencil in hand)_ What you need is a little bit of this, this and this… _(Making big marks and scribbles all over the notepad)_ And you can't forget _this_! _This_ adds a lot of character, and makes him a complete babe magnet to all the other drawings…

Calvin: _(flipping table over)_ Would you _STOP?!_ Do you realize how _annoying_ you are?! Part of me can't believe I'm still talking to you! Sometimes I wish you disappeared completely! _(Beat.)_ Look at me; I'm an _adult_ , with _responsibilities!_ I've got a wife and a kid and I'm still talking to a damned stuffed tiger! Because that's just what you are! A STUFFED… TIGER!

Hobbes: Hey, calm down, Calvin! Yeah, I may be a stuffed tiger but I'm still your friend since you were born. Your _only_ friend! Remember the times that we used to play Calvinball, or the G.R.O.S.S. club? Where would you be without me?! _(Turns his back.)_

Calvin: _(calming down)_ You're right. I'm nothing without you. And _you're_ nothing without _me!_ It's just… I want to be known for something other than a failure. I want to leave something behind.

Hobbes: "Known?" "Leave something behind?" It sounds like you think you're going to die!

Calvin: _(reluctantly)_ Hobbes… there's something I have to tell you.

Hobbes: Wh-what is it?

Calvin: The blood work came back from the lab. I got the test results just yesterday. _(Deep breath.)_ I have leukemia.

Hobbes: Oh my god. How bad is it?

Calvin: The doctors said it could be serious. They said there's no way to know how bad it is yet, though. They still have to run some more tests, but the result that they got was inarguable.

Hobbes: Why did you keep this a secret from me?

Calvin: Because I didn't want you to worry! I didn't want to see my best friend like this. So I kept it a secret, hoping that you'd still be your happy self. _(Beat.)_ As I said before, I want to be known for something else than being a loser; a nobody that still talks to a stuffed animal.

Hobbes: Wow. Listen… I have to let this all sink in.

Calvin: Take your time. In fact, I… think it's best if we don't speak to each other again.

Hobbes: Are – are you serious? B-but… Calvin –

Calvin: You heard me, Hobbes. Now, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of things to think over.

(Both exit. Lights fade out.)


	2. Scene II

**Hey! EmceeSquare here!**

 **Sorry I didn't update you in the first scene. Long story short, I make my intros in Doc Manager, and every time I tried to edit Scene I, it spazzed out on me and my computer crashed. So, that's why I'm updating you now.**

 **As you know, I have officially graduated high school and will be attending college in the fall. So in the meantime, I'm gonna make it my goal to upload as much as I can from now until then. That means a lot more work for me, but a lot of pay-off. Sound good?**

 **As for those wanting to perform this play, you're in luck! You CAN! Just do two things for me:**

 **1\. Credit me as the author (otherwise it's just play-garism. Badum-chh.)**

 **2\. Film the final product and email it to me (for some reason it's not letting me tell you my e-mail address. Just ask me for it via PM.) I wanna see your take on this.**

 **Anyways, favorite and follow me to see what I think up next. And don't forget to favorite _this_ and leave a review. I can't get enough of your feedback.**

 **With that said, here comes the final scene!**

* * *

Scene II:

 _(Lights up on the same room, two days later. Enter Calvin and Susie.)_

Susie: So… today's the day, huh?

Calvin: Yeah. The start of chemo. I can't believe it myself. I remember being so young, feeling so invincible. I should've known better. _(Struck by a memory.)_ Oh, yeah! How couldI forget? _(Calling offstage)_ Bacon? Could you come here, please?

(Enter Bacon)

Bacon: Yeah, Dad?

Calvin: As you know, I have to go to the hospital, and I'm going to be there for a long time. But I need you to stay strong for your mother; for me. I know that I'll be gone, but hopefully you'll remember me with this… _(takes stuffed Hobbes out of his pocket, handing him to Bacon.)_

Bacon: A stuffed animal?

Calvin: Not just any stuffed animal. A friend. His name is Hobbes. He's been mine since I was your age. Funny thing is he comes to life. If you let him, he will be your best friend.

Bacon: _(thinking he's crazy)_ Yeeaaaaaaahh, okay…

Calvin: That's all I wanted to tell you. Thanks for listening.

(Exit Bacon)

Susie: So you just gave her Hobbes? Just like that?

Calvin: I've thought long and hard about this, and I determined that I've had my time with Hobbes. My adventures have been long since over. It's time for her to start her own. I've accepted the fact that I might not live through this, and if I don't, the last thing I want is for her to be alone. It felt like the right thing to…

 _(Offstage, screaming is heard. Enter Bacon, the source of the screaming)_

Bacon: _(panicking) Dad! Mom! There's a tiger in our house! A real-life tiger! AAAAAAHHH! (She runs offstage, screaming her head off. Enter Hobbes, right behind her.)_

Hobbes: _(puzzled)_ Was it something I said?

Calvin: No, I think it was just your face. I know I'd do the same thing.

Hobbes: Oh, har har! _(Beat.)_ Listen, about two days ago. I just want to say I'm sorry. You had the right to be angry at me. Do you forgive me?

Calvin: Oh, Hobbes. How could I not?

 _(The two embrace.)_

Hobbes: But man, did you see the way she ran?! I scared the hell out of her!

Calvin: Yeah! She could be halfway to Canada by now!

 _(They all laugh for a second or two, and then stop completely.)_

Susie: Wait… Halfway to Canada?

Hobbes: The border's only about five minutes away.

All Together: BACON!

 _(They all run offstage after her. Lights out.)_


End file.
